Yeah yeah, I should not be blogging (refer to previous post). But I made a deliberate attempt to switch on the computer just to blog.
Yesterday we had an emotion management talk during CT session and I learned that I am a ‘Lock It Up’ person when it comes to anger management. I can’t agree more with it. Actually I knew about that quite some time ago just that it is taking effect more during this period of time. And I guess I have the same attitude towards feelings and emotions too. I often keep things to myself. I know it is not good bla bla you should talk about it bla bla makes you feel better bla bla. But sometimes it’s just hard, yeah.
Maybe it’s the fear that the other person will judge me for what I have to say. Maybe it’s the fear that other people will come to know about it. Maybe it’s the fear of letting my guard down in front of someone else. Maybe it’s the fear of hearing something that I do not wish to hear about. Maybe it’s the lack of trust I have in the other person that makes me apprehensive about telling him/her.
I really don’t know.
And when the speaker talked about the different ways to handle stress etc, I realised that by temporarily ”closing down” my blog, I am actually ‘Lock-ing It Up’ even more. In the sense that I used to express my feelings and thoughts through blogging but now that I have stopped blogging, I guess I am keeping more things to myself.
And I don’t know if I am doing myself any justice.
Sigh.
